It Will Be To Late
by mcdizzles
Summary: If only Maura had answered the phone.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**It has been exactly one month. Thirty one endless days. I have not stopped hating myself for a single moment. I don't have nightmares, because I simply do not sleep. I'm on paid leave from work while they sort things out. For one month now each and everyday all I do is replay every moment of the past 5 years. Every look, touch, and word that came from her. My Maura. No, just Maura. Or Dr. Isles now. But every memory winds right back to that day. My mind lives in that warehouse. Every time I picture her beautiful face her expression fades back into the look she shot me. That look took every bit of my heart and soul with it. Her eyes told me all I needed to know. I have hurt her so many times. My everything, yet I treated her like she was nothing. At least that's what she thinks.**

**Its strange to me. My first instinct was to drown the pain in a cold beer. Maybe even the burn of tequila would help. I didn't though. Instead I went and bought the most expensive bottle of wine I could find. I never bothered to open it. It still sits perfectly next to a fancy wine glass she bought me. Of course she bought it. She changed everything about me. My life, my home, my diet everything. A part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, she didn't like the person I was. The other part of me though knows she was just being a good friend. The best friend one could ask for. I sure as hell ruined that.**

**So here I am on day thirty one. My apartment is spotless. Jo is with Frankie. I have barely spoken to my family, but this morning I called each one of them to tell them I loved them. I sent a letter with Frankie to give to Maura. I knew she wouldn't answer the phone, but I had to let her know somehow. It is nine in the morning on a Tuesday. Everyone should be at the precinct. The package I sent there should arrive to my desk in ten minutes. The letter should arrive to Maura in 9 minutes. Its time.**

**I decided to wear my favorite jeans and a white v-neck shirt. I'll forego shoes today. I finally opened that bottle of wine. It didn't take long before I drained every last drop. It does nothing to numb any pain, but the bottle smashes easily against the counter. My couch has never been so damn uncomfortable. But it doesn't matter now. I hurt. Nothing will ever erase the hurt. So I plan to eliminate my hurt, and see to it that this is the last time I hurt her. But I won't have to face it. Hell, she may not even care, but I don't blame her. **

**Its 9:45. The package will have arrived now. Korsak will sign for it and be given instructions to open the box. Inside he will find a stack of letters written to everybody. Under the letters he will find a gun and a badge. They are no longer mine. Everyone will panic and try to call. Its to late now my phone is off. The last call I made was to her. I wish she would have answered this one time. If she bothered to read my letter I imagine she will be on edge right about now. Probably running through the station to her car, screaming for Frost, Frankie, and Korsak. Hopefully they will spare my ma at least until they are sure.**

**This is going to hurt I know it. I flip through the pages of an old anatomy book. The circulatory system. The heart. It doesn't really control love, but it will stop the suffering that love brings. Its funny how I fought so hard to keep a scalpel from being my demise, low and behold though its what I hold in my hand. This will be familiar to her I believe. I drive the end through the back of my favorite picture. Its her smiling that radiant smile, and me wrapped around her giving her a huge kiss on the cheek. That was the happy moment of my life. I'll keep it in my heart forever. No more thinking. Its time. It will only take one swift blow. Here goes. I feel it. The skin rip and the most horrible piercing pain I have ever felt. But its slowly going away. Damn I love her. Everything is fading. I still she her face though. **

"**Jane!"**

**Dear Maura,**

**I hope you take the time to read this letter. By the time you do though it will be to late. I can't tell you how sorry I am. Not just for shooting your father, but for every time I have ever hurt you. I promise this will be the last time I cause you pain. I have to tell you something before I go though. I love you Maura. I'm in love with you. I have been for sometime now. There was a moment last year that you looked into my eyes and I fell head over heels. You are everything to me. You are the only reason I ever bothered to go on living. Always remember that Maura. Always remember that I will always love you. And please don't blame yourself for anything. Lay all the blame on me. Please don't forget about me, and please take care of my family, and let them know how much I loved them. I'm sorry I never told you all this before, but at least you know now. I love you Maura.**

**Love always,**

**Jane Rizzoli**

"**You have one new voice mail. New message: 'Hey Maura, its me Jane. I really wish you had answered. I wanted to hear your voice. I have to go now. I just wanted to tell you that I love you.'"**


End file.
